Happy Birthday Mr. T!

May 21, 2011

Dear Laurence Tureaud,

The rest of the world knows you as Mr. T.  It’s funny how you are considered an 80’s icon. You developed a character and have stuck with it all these years.  In the acting world, an actor tries to avoid being typecast. However, you seem to embrace it.  Being typecast limits the work an actor gets.  Once an actor is strongly identified with a specific character or role, everyone expects to see only that.  But that’s how you’ve made millions!

That’s right, Larry.  May I call you Larry?  That would be your name if you hadn’t decided to change it to Mr. T.  Why did you do that anyway?  I know you came up with that name when you worked as a nightclub bouncer.  I wonder if people had a difficult time pronouncing your last name, so it was just easier to say: Call me Mr. T!  Back in those days, you didn’t do so badly. When you became a body guard, you were earning anywhere from $3,000 to $10,000 a night.  You even worked for a time as a bodyguard to Michael Jackson!

Well, Larry, I first saw you as the character Clubber Lange and then as B.A. Baracus in the TV series, The A-Team.  You’ve worked on many other films and TV shows, mostly in cameo roles.  You’ve become quite well-known for just showing up in random films at random times!

You are best known, Larry, for your mohawk and jewelry.  At the height of your career you were wearing over $300,000 in jewelry at a time.  Now you don’t wear it so much.  And that’s ok. You’re still Mr. T!

I know that a few years back, you took a little break.  For about 5 years you were on hiatus as you recovered from a bought with cancer.  When you returned to show biz, you still had your signature mohawk.  For a time, the Chia Pet Company made a Mr. T. Chia head!  Ingenious!  There have been Mr. T dolls, cartoons, TV shows, and videos.   I just wanted to let you know that your “Treat Your Mother Right” is one of my favorites!

According to celebrynetworth.com, you are worth about $4.5 million.  Not too bad for a guy who has only ever portrayed one character.  As you would say, “I pity to fool!”...who says there’s anything wrong with being typecast!

I must close now and end this “jibba jabba!” Happy 59^th Birthday, Larry (aka Mr. T!)

Regards, Mrs Love

Happy Birthday Enya!

May 17, 2011

Dear Eithne Padraigín Ní Bhraonáin,

Sorry, I don’t speak Irish Gaelic, your native language, so may I call you Enya?

I love your music. It is soothing and relaxing. Your voice is beautiful. Critics categorize your music as “New Age.”  You, however, categorize it as “Enya” music.  Even your 4 Grammy’s are in the “New Age” category.  In your next acceptance speech you should let people know that it is “Enya” music!  

I remember hearing “Orinoco Flow” (Sail Away) for the first time in the late 80’s.  At first I thought “Enya” was an entire music group. I heard that you overlay your voice up to 8 times in many of your songs. That’s how it sounds like many people singing. In order to sing in live venues, I understand that you must sing along with taped music of your songs.  That’s the only way to achieve the same effect.

If life could have a soundtrack, Enya, I think your music would make a beautiful theme for mine. Most days I would probably pick Led Zeppelin or The Who as the theme music to my life. However, your music would calm me down and make everything seem more beautiful. No matter what I did in any given day, if there was Enya music playing in the background, it would make my life seem beautiful. Going to the grocery store, the mall, pumping gas, working, driving on the freeway, everything would be so beautiful!

The 1991 Steve Martin film, “LA Story” had 3 of your songs in it. This is where I came up with the idea that your music would be a beautiful life soundtrack. It seems hard to believe that a movie about Los Angeles would have Enya music in it.  However, it really enhanced the movie.

Now Enya, I must tell you that one of my favorite of your songs is “If I Could Be Where You Are.”  It moves me to tears when I listen to it. It describes perfectly how I feel about my late sister. I miss her terribly. One of these days I hope to visit you in your castle mansion in Ireland and I will ask you all about that song and perhaps if there’s a story behind it.

Thank you for creating, what I describe, as a big of heaven on earth. Happy 50^th Birthday!

Regards, Mrs Love

Happy Birthday Megan Fox!

May 16, 2011

Dear Megan Fox,

Yes, you are considered one of the most beautiful women in the world. And I certainly agree. However, no one in Hollywood is perfect. Not even you. You have one flaw. Although you try to hide it in your films and photos, it was made known to me by my daughter. It’s your thumbs. You were born with a condition called “brachydactyly” thumbs, which means that your thumbs are slightly clubbed or misshapen. Some people call it a “nubby thumb.”  I’m sure this won’t get in the way of millions of men swooning over you though. And just so you don’t have to feel alone in the “strange thumbs department,” here are a couple more celebs with misshapen thumbs. You see Megan, you’re in perfect company with Vince Vaughan, Eric Roberts, and Adrian Pasdar (“Nathan Petrelli” in Heroes).

Now, one good thing about Hollywood, Megan, is that you can always hire a hand-double. It’s true. I remember hearing at my daughter’s agency that they were looking for a hand double for actor, Adrian Pasdar. They were very specific. The hand-double had to have the same skin tone, age, finger shape, etc. as Adrian. And even if a man met the qualifications, he still had to “audition” for the job. The hand had to match perfectly!  You see, that day on the set of Heroes, they were filming a scene where “Nathan Petrelli” was showing someone a ring he was wearing on his left hand. His left hand? Oh no, that’s the hand where he has a misshapen thumb!  No problem, just cue the hand-double. And that’s exactly what they did!  I’ll bet you never noticed they never showed “Nathan Petrelli’s” left thumb! Ever!

So Megan, you probably have a hand-double that works for you too. She’s probably on an on-call basis. You probably have her phone number memorized! Now if she’s unavailable some time, no problem. They’ll just Photoshop a good thumb in for you!

I hope you had a wonderful 25th birthday. I’m sure you didn’t forget to hide your one “flaw” as you blew out the 25 candles! By the way, if it makes you feel any better, Jennifer Garner has a strange right toe and Dan Ackroyd was born with webbed feet. Don’t believe me? Just Google it!  Remember, no one in Hollywood is perfect! Not even you, Megan Fox!

Regards, Mrs Love

Happy Birthday Robert Pattinson

May 13, 2011

Dear Robert Pattinson,

I remember the first time I saw you in “Twilight.”  My daughter took me to see it at the “dollar theater.”  Now, Mr Pattinson, you’ve probably never been to a “dollar theater,” but it’s where the dollar-conscious moviegoer sees films that are soon to be released on DVD. Typically there aren’t too many people in these audiences. However, with Twilight, this was not the case.  The theater that night was packed, and it was even a weeknight.  It was filled, mostly, with young girls and grown women.  I was surprised we almost didn’t get a seat.  Just as the movie began, my daughter said: “Just watch what happens when you see Edward, Mom.”  I hadn’t read the book, Twilight, yet, so I was curious to see who “Edward” was.

Soon it was the cafeteria scene and you and the other Cullens came on screen. This was my first sight of you…Robert Pattinson.  Immediately there were screams throughout the theater.  I don’t think I’d ever experienced such a thing before! In a way it reminded me of The Beatles in the 60’s—although this time it was young girls screaming at YOU!  Grown women in the audience were swooning!  I was shocked, but at the same time, I was also hooked. You were absolutely mesmerizing!

This was Robert Pattinson mania!  And it really hasn’t let up.  Doing a search on Google, your name has 41 million results!  Impressive!

Now I must admit Rob, (may I call you Rob?) I’ve seen you in films other than Twilight, and I can’t help thinking that you are still secretly a vampire. For example, during Water For Elephants, I kept making comments to my daughter like, “he should just bite that guys neck!” or “I wonder if he’s tempted to eat that elephant.” In the love scene with you and Reese Witherspoon, I said, “what would Bella think?”  Yes, I was pretty annoying!

Now speaking of Isabella Swan, or Kristen Stewart…Rob, my dear (may I call you ‘my dear?’) I think you could do better.  Who do I think you should be with?   Keira Knightley. These are my reasons:

1.      You both have gorgeous, dreamy, seductive looks. You know, it’s that “I’m-too-sexy-for-my-shirt type look.

2.      You both look best when you’re not smiling. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you both have nice smiles, but you and Keira can just stare at each other with those solemn, serious and gorgeous faces.

3.      You are both from England, so therefore, holidays would be less complicated.  

4.      You both speak “British” and can say words like, “Cheers!” and “Blimey” and “Loo.” You could both go to a “pub” and eat “crisps” and drink a “pint.” Furthermore, you would completely understand one another!

5.      Keira’s taller than Kristen.  

6.      Keira’s closer to your age.

These are all things I’d like you to think about, dear.

I hope you had a wonderful birthday yesterday. You probably spent the day with Kristen except next time, make Mrs Love happy and give Keira a call!

Regards, Mrs Love

Happy Birthday Emilio Estevez

May 12, 2011
Dear Emilio,
When you get together with your family, I wonder if you know how you're related. After all, they have different last names. Your father is Martin Sheen, born: Ramon Estevez. Your mother is Janet Sheen, born : Janet Templeton. Your brother is Charlie Sheen, born: Carlos Irwin Estevez, aka, Mr. Not Winning! And you are Emilio Estevez, born: Emilio Estevez. You're the only one using your actual birth name. Well done! I understand you also like the "Double E's" for your initials. You say they look "pretty." Sorry Emilio, my name is, hands down, prettier that yours!

However...I must say that one of my favorite scenes in the Will Ferrell, Chris Kattan film "Night at the Roxbury," is when the Butabi brothers talk about the time they saw you.
Doug: ...this guy who was on the phone, turns around and tips his hat like this.
Steve: And who do you think that guy was?
Doug: Emilio Estevez.
Steve: The Might Duck man, I swear to God, I was there.
Doug: Of course you were, you were the one who yelled the Breakfast Clubber's name.
Steve: I was like, "Em-i-li-ooohh!

One of your first roles as a young man, Em-i-li-ooohh, was in Apocalypse Now--one of your father's most famous movies. Gee! I wonder if he asked Oliver Stone if you could have a little part in it. Oh well, in Hollywood, it's all about who you know! However, your part was cut. That's too bad. I would've enjoyed seeing you as the "young messenger boy." After all, I waited in line for 2 1/2 hours to see that film in 1979!

Many times your films include your father Martin and your younger brother Charlie. Who would've guess you'd now be considered the "sane Sheen!"
I knew you as one of the original Brat-Packers of the 80's, although there are many films you've been in that have been my favorites: The Outsiders, St. Elmo's Fire, The Breakfast Club, The Mighty Ducks (just the first one. Sorry, I didn't really care for #2 or #3.) and Young Guns.

Now Emilio, I understand you've been engaged a number of times--once even to Demi Moore. The only time you were married was for two years to Paula Abdul. Oh, my poor friend. May I call you my friend? Well, I'm going to anyway. She's nuttier than your brother! You said once that you considered Paula too emotionally unstable for children. No big surprise there! (Note: I know lots of single ladies just your age. Let me know if I can put you in touch with them. Just give me a call or email anytime!)

Today I read that Ashton Kutcher, your ex-fiance's husband, is going to replace your brother in Two and A Half Men! What? I object! I thought the role should've gone to you, Em-i-li-ooohh!

Best of luck with your writing and directing career. I think you're a swell guy and deserve all the best. Hey, and while you're at it, see if you can help your brother Carlos Irwin (Charlie). Perhaps the first thing he should do is change his name to Irwin!

Happy 49th Birthday Em-i-li-ooohh!
Regards, Mrs Love

Happy Birthday Audrina Patridge!

May 9, 2011
Dear Audrina,
I'm sure you know the saying, "Don't judge a book by its cover." To me, it means don't judge people merely by their appearances. but what's in the inside--that's what really counts. I know you're a famous celebrity. Heck, you have own reality tv show! How awesome is that?! You model. You act. You're a fashion icon. You're gorgeous. The paparazzi chases you all over! Just about every day, in fact, there's something about you on the internet. Who you dated--or didn't date--what you said--or did--or wore--where you went, etc.

But I knew you before all that...

When your family first moved to Yorba Linda, CA, you lived around the corner from me. First my kids met you and your brother and sister and then later I met your mom. We learned that you and my girls would be going to the same middle school and your brother and my son would be going to the same grade school. So your mom and I decided to carpool. I took the morning shift and she took the afternoon shift.

In those days I drove a big green Ford van. Each morning I pulled into your driveway and honked the horn. You usually came out first. Next came your brother and sister. You would always sit up in front with me, while the other kids would all pile in the back. They would laugh and goof around, while you and I would talk on the way to school. You were so sweet and soft-spoken and beautiful...even then. I can still see you, with your blonde hair and braces. You would ALWAYS thank me for the ride...Thank you Mrs Love!

Toward the end of the school year, I had to have some surgery and I remember your mother then had to take both carpool shifts. She probably doesn't even remember, but I do. I don't think I thanked her enough for doing that for me.

Then, after a number of years, your family moved a few blocks away to a new house. Occassionally I would see you guys around town. I remember one of the last times we spoke was at a waterpolo booster club meeting. You were a freshman in high school, just beginning to train for waterpolo with my oldest daughter. I remember sitting with you and your mom at the meeting. By then, you didn't have braces anymore and I remember thinking, "Wow! She's certainly turning into a beautiful young woman!" However, the one thing I could tell that didn't change, was your sweetness!

Then fast-foward a few years and I'm at a magazine stand at the drug store and the latest edition of Rolling Stone magazine is there. I pick it up and look at the cover and who do I see? You with your co-stars from The Hills! I just smiled. My goodness! She DID grow up to be a very beautiful young woman! Wow!

Now, Audrina, you are a well-known celebrity and people probably look at you and think of you as arrogant and conceited. Sometimes that's what fame and noteriety does to a person. But we've been able to reconnect in the last year or so and I can tell you ARE that same sweet girl I used to know so many years ago. I know you are kind, softhearted, and generous. I know that your family is important to you. I know that even though you find it difficult at times, to juggle everything in your life, you try to make time for your friends and family.

My hope is that through your new show, others will discover this about you too. Hopefully they will learn what I've already known about you for many years! Remember you really CAN'T judge a book by it's cover. People need to judge you more for what's on the inside--because that's what really counts!

And don't forget, I'd STILL be happy to give you a ride anytime you need one! haha
Happy 26th Birthday beautiful Audrina!
Regards, Mrs Love

Happy Birthday Real Housewife of NY--Kelly Bensimon!

May 1, 2011
Dear Real Housewife of NY--Kelly Killoren Bensimon,
What really constitutes a housewife? According to Wikipedia, a housewife is: a term used to describe a   married woman with household responsibilities who is not employed outside the home.” I’m sorry Kelly, but this doesn’t sound like you or any of your girlfriends on Real Housewives of New York!
I must admit that I was a huge fan of the show for the past three seasons. This season, however, I haven’t watched one episode. Why, you ask? Well, mostly because of how much my impression of you changed. The first impression Kelly, was that you were so cool. You seemed like such a calm, wonderful person. I loved the way you dressed, the way you talked, your jewelry, your daughters, everything! You lived in Manhattan and in the Hamptons too. How chic is that? You made me wish I had a stylish apartment in the city and a cool house in the Hamptons. I didn’t even know where the Hamptons were, but I wanted to live there because of you! However, this was all before you got on the train to “crazy town.”
In 2010 you seemed to completely lose it. You went wildly insane on the episode where the Housewives went to the Virgin Islands for a little vacation hosted by Ramona. What happened, Kelly? It looked like you had a full-on nervous breakdown on national television. You spewed nonsense and freaked out on the other Housewives.
Here are some of your most perplexing lines:
1) To Bethenny: “You live in a horror movie, I live in Disneyland. … Satchels of gold.”
2) “I’ve been having nightmares for the past week of Bethenny stabbing me. … She has knives on her tongue.”
3) About Alex: “She was marching with venom.”
4) To Ramona: “I want you to ZIP IT.”
5) To Alex: “You have so much pent-up anger and anxiety. I want you to be beautiful!”
6) To Bethenny: “I feel like you’re trying to kill me. I threw up the night before I came.”
I was surprised at how obsessed you seemed with all things Bethenny. It was actually quite scary. And even though Bethenny has left the show, I STILL don’t want to watch it. I am a bit surprised that you’re still on, Kelly. My advice to you would be to take a break. Go out to the Hamptons. Perhaps you should go and be the Wikipedia version of a housewife. You know, get married, be responsible for a home, and not work. Just a thought.
Hope you got some “satchels of gold” today, on your 43th birthday!
Regards, Mrs Love