Happy Birthday Warren Beatty!

Mar. 30, 2011

Dear Warren Beatty,

Today I’m wishing you a Happy Birthday and hoping you recollect the time we saw each other at the Getty Villa. What? You don’t remember? We bumped into each other. Our arms even touched! You still don’t remember? Well, let me refresh your memory.

The year was 1990 and I was at the Getty Villa in Malibu as a chaperone for a youth group from my church. I had my two daughters with me. I was pushing Stacy, 3, in a stroller. Julie was 6 and she was under explicit instructions to not touch anything and hang onto the stroller. We had just entered an elevator, when two older women came in. They were smiling and seemed to be excited about something.

They turned to me and asked: “Do you know who Warren Beatty is?”

I said: “Yes, of course!”

They said, “Well, he’s here today! We just saw him!”

I asked: “Where?”

They answered: “He’s walking around with a short blonde woman. He’s wearing a light colored suit. You can’t miss him!”

Well, forget all the priceless artifacts and exhibits! Forget all the beautiful gardens and architecture of the Getty Villa! This took priority over all that. Oh, was I supposed to be chaperoning the youth, too? But it was YOU, Warren Beatty! We were on the hunt!

I told Julie: “Don’t let go of this stroller! We’re looking for a movie star!”

There I was running all around the museum with my daughters, pushing the stroller through the crowds, looking for the movie star in the light colored suit with a short blonde woman. We looked everywhere.

After a while, one of the young men in our group ran up to me, excited and out of breath.

He said: "Mrs Love, Mrs Love! Madonna’s in that room over there. Go see!"

What?!! YOU and Madonna, in the same place, at the same time?  I told the girls this was our lucky day! I asked the young man to point her out to me.

He said: "She's in that exhibit room with some old guy. You can't miss her!"

We were on the hunt once again! I went into the exhibit room and there she was! The Material Girl, herself!

She was with a tall gentleman looking at a painting. I pushed our stroller right up next to them. I bumped into the gentleman and he said: "Oh excuse me." I wanted to tell him, 'get out of my way, there's Madonna!'...but I didn't. I remained polite and said, "Oh, I'm sorry."

Madonna was many years younger than you see her today. And I didn't think she was as beautiful as I’d seen her on MTV. (Oh, the magic of television!) Well, I got a good look at her and then remembered I was still on the hunt for YOU. We were off!

I ran around the entire museum and then finally walking right towards me—THERE YOU WERE!--in a light colored suit, with a short blonde woman! Wait a minute! Who was the short blonde woman? It was Madonna!

You two were together in that exhibit room where I had seen Madonna earlier!  She was the short blonde woman?  And YOU were that gentleman I bumped into--who said "Excuse me!"  You were together???

I found out later you were working on the film “Dick Tracy” together and had a brief relationship.

It was funny to me that the old ladies in the elevator only saw YOU, Warren Beatty with some short blonde woman. The young man only saw Madonna with some old guy! Luckily, I saw you both!

What Warren? You still don’t remember this event? It’s been etched in my mind all these years! I continue to be your devoted fan. (when it’s your wife’s birthday, I’ll remind her of when SHE and I ran into each other in 2003...another story for another day!)

Happy 74^th Birthday!

Regards, Mrs Love

Happy Birthday Eric Idle!

Mar. 29, 2011

Dear Eric Idle,

My family, the McCunes, have enjoyed “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” for years. I remember watching it with my brothers and sisters and laughing and laughing! Then I would go visit friends’ homes and would say, “Hey, let’s watch Monty Python!” I would be rolling on the floor in a fit of laughter. My friends would stare and me and say. “I don’t get it. What’s the big deal?” It took a strange, certain kind of humor to enjoy Monty Python.

In 1975, you and the other members of your Monty Python comedy group, released the film “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” I was an instant fan. I watched it so many times…over and over.

As the years went on, I watched it on video with my children. What happens when you raise your children on “Monty Python and The Holy Grail?”

-When they scraped their knees, they would come to me and say, “It’s ok, Mom. It’s but a flesh wound!”

-When my girls shorts were too short, I would say: “Cover up your naughty bits!” (ok, that’s from Monty Python’s Flying Circus!”

-Playing tag with friends in the neighborhood, they would shout, “Runaway! Runaway!”
-When they told jokes, they would say, “Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean?”
-When the gardener was working in the yard, they would say: “Yes, shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.”

-When they would get into quarrel, I would say: “Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.”

-In school, their teachers would stare at them because they would pronounce the word “knights” as “k-nig-hts.”

-Hanging out with friends, they would ask: “What is your name? What is your quest? What is your favorite color? What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?” And of course, their friends would just stare back. If they were GOOD friends, they had the correct answers to all the questions!

I know, to some, it sounds like a bunch of gibberish, but to a true Monty Python fan, it makes complete sense!  And my children continue to be true Monty Python fans!

Happy 68^th Birthday, Sir Robin the-not-quite-so-brave-as Sir Lancelot!

Your fan always,

Regards, Mrs Love

Happy Birthday Lady Gaga!

Mar. 28, 2011
Dear Stefani,
Yes, I called you Stefani. Why? Because I don't really know you well. As you've said: "Lady Gaga is my name. If you know me, and you call me Stefani, you don't really know me at all." It's true.

Well an historical day has finally arrived for me, Stefani. You see, I remember when my mother would let us turn on the radio as we were driving in our family station wagon and pop music would come on. (well pop music of the 70's!) My mother had no clue who the latest bands and artists were; nor did she really care. She would then flip the station to her oldies music and immediately there would be weaping and waling heard from the back seat. "Ohhhhh Mom! We want to listen to OUR music!"

Well "OUR music" is now the oldies music and YOUR music is now the pop music--of which I know very little! I've turned into my mother!

Stefani, I don't know one of your songs--not one! I read that you've had a massive impact on popular music and culture. Well, I suppose it has passed me by.

I'll just go back to my oldies/classic rock radio station and sing along with The Who, The Rolling Stones, and Led Zeppelin.

Frankly, Stefani, if you must know the truth, you kind of scare me. After all you've said: "They can't scare me, if I scare them first."

You've also said: "Live your eyeliner, breathe your lipstick, and kill for each other." Now Stefani, is this a metaphor or do you mean this literally? Or are they lyrics to one of your songs? I don't get it. (now I REALLY sound like my mother!)

Ok, perhaps in honor of your 25th birthday today, I'll listen to one of your tunes.

However, you've also said:
"I don't want the 5 dollars in your pocket, I want your soul."
Okay, you're still scarying me!

Have a Happy 25th Birthday, Lady Gaga!
Regards, Mrs Love

Happy Birthday Keira Knightly!

Mar. 26, 2011

Dear Keira Knightly,

As I’m writing to you this evening, I’m watching “The Duchess” in honor of your birthday. I picked it up at Blockbuster tonight. What intrigued me about it? Well, the picture on the cover of you with really tall hair! Plus, I’m renting it for .99. You can’t beat that, Keira!  However, I believe you and I live on very different budgets. Forbes magazine reported that you earned $32 million in 2007. Not too shabby!

You are definitely one of my favorite actresses. Or should I spell it: favourite. That’s how you Brits spell it, right? I’m not surprised you became an actress, having been raised by theatrical parents. Your father is an actor and your mother is a playwright.

Your “breakout” role was “Bend it like Beckham,” although I must admit; I didn’t know who you were until I saw you in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” films.

I also enjoyed you in “Love Actually.” How beautiful you were as Juliet in the wedding scenes! But my favourite scene was when you answered the door to Mark who was there holding sheets of poster board, confessing his love for you with this message:

“To me, you are perfect - And my wasted heart will love you - Until you look like this” (and he holds up a picture of an unwrapped mummy!) Wonderful!

Now, since I’m on a roll here, Keira, let me tell you what I thought of “Pride and Prejudice.” You did a superb job as Miss Elizabeth Bennet. And you nailed that British accent. (joking!) However I must tell you, I did NOT like your hair and makeup. The only time your hair and makeup people got it right was in the “Fog” scene. Absolutely beautiful! Mr. Darcy was beautiful too!  And another thing, Keira, your dresses made you look so flat-chested. My suggestion? Just put a couple of gym socks in there, girl!

This brings me to my next comment. You really ought to consider putting on some weight, Keira. As one friend said to me: Curves are sexy—not bones! Think about it, dear. (too bad, these days, my curves are in all the wrong places!)

Now in Hollywood, actors come and go all the time. But I don’t think you’re just a “flash in the pan.” I believe you’ll be on the big screen for many years to come and we’ll enjoy watching you! My sources tell me it’s been confirmed you are slated to play the coveted role of Miss Eliza Doolittle in the 2012 remake of “My Fair Lady.” Can’t wait to see it! Keira, you’ve been nominated for an Oscar once before, but my prediction is that we’ll be seeing you walk up to that podium on an Oscar night very soon, giving your acceptance speech. Get it ready Keira! Listen to Mrs Love, she knows!

Happy 26^th Birthday!

Regards, Mrs Love

Happy Birthday Clyde Barrow!

Mar. 24, 2011

Dear Clyde Barrow,

You were an outlaw, a robber, escaped convict, murderer and even a celebrity. You & your girlfriend Bonnie Parker & the Barrow gang certainly had a unique style. Robbing small banks, gas stations and stores, the most you ever took was $1,500. 

Bonnie took numerous pictures of the two of you and many rolls of film were left behind in the stolen cars you abandoned. She also loved to write poetry & some of her poems were also left behind.

Your gang didn’t kill all the police officers you came upon. In fact, many times you would “kidnap” them and take them on joy rides, not killing all of them, but certainly scaring them! All this added to your fame and notoriety.  

Just like celebrities today, you even changed your name to sound more illustrious. You were born Clyde Chestnut Barrow, but later signed your name as Clyde “Champion” Barrow.

One thing I found we have in common, Clyde, is that we both like Fords.  In April 1934 you even wrote a letter to Henry Ford, thanking him for such a “dandy” car. After all, whenever you stole a car, you always made sure it was a Ford!

“Dear Sir: -
While I still have got breath in my lungs I will tell you what a dandy car you make. I have drove Fords exclusively when I could get away with one. For sustained speed and freedom from trouble the Ford has got every other car skinned and even if my business hasen't been strictly legal it don't hurt any thing to tell you what a fine car you got in the V8.
Yours truly,
Clyde Champion Barrow”

You were shot and killed, along with Bonnie, in Louisiana in 1934 at the age of 25.  Your car was riddled with hundreds of bullets, as well as your bodies. You were buried in West Dallas, Texas. Although Bonnie’s wish was to be buried at your side, her family wouldn’t allow it and she was buried in another cemetery also in West Dallas.

The 1967, movie “Bonnie and Clyde,” starring Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty, portray you both as attractive and chic. However, to be honest, the photos you left behind don’t show you looked anything like those two actors. But, I must say, I love that movie!

This would have been your 102^nd birthday today. For only having lived on this earth for 25 years, you certainly made a name for yourself, Clyde—however, perhaps not a good name, but certainly a renowned one.

Happy Birthday,

Regards, Mrs Love

Happy Birthday Joan Crawford!

Mar. 23, 2011

Dear Lucille Fay LeSueur, aka Joan Crawford,

My favorite of your films? “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” You and Bette Davis were awesome. It was one of the first horror movies I had ever seen.

“Sister, sister, oh so fair. Why is there blood all over your hair?”

Oh my, I just got chills remember how creepy that movie was!

Next year a remake of your Academy Award winning film “Mildred Pierce” will be released, with Kate Winslet starring. You’d be happy with her. She’s a great actress too.

Upon being disinherited, your daughter Christina, wrote the tell-all book, “Mommy Dearest,” released in 1978. Too bad you weren’t around to defend yourself when the book came out. It was one of the first “celebrity tell-all” books back then. Now there are many.

It’s interesting that although I never read the book, I remember hearing that you did not approve of wire hangers. Well, Joan, you and I have this in common. I don’t like wire hangers either. I won’t, however, go into a violent tirade about it though. I just toss them and replace them with plastic ones. I know that if plastic hangers were around when you were raising your daughter, she would’ve used them. Perhaps you would’ve said, “No more wire hangers! No wire hangers ever! Plastic only!”

I’m not sure how things are in heaven, but I’m sure if you could, you’d be looking cool smoking a cigarette and toasting a glass of champagne for your birthday.

Happy Birthday on what would have been your 106^th birthday!

Regards, Mrs Love

Happy Birthday & Best Wishes to Reese Witherspoon!

Mar. 22, 2011
Dear Laura Jeanne Reese Witherspoon,
Of course, everyone knows you as Reese, which is your mom’s maiden name. If I used my mom’s maiden name as my first name, I’d be Torres Love. Na, I think I’ll stick with Vivian! That pattern doesn’t quite work for everyone!

I’m so happy for you! What an exciting week this will be for you! Today you turned 35 and on Sat. you’ll be getting married in Ojai, CA.

Now, let me be honest with you for a moment, Reese. Or do your friends call you Laura? I never felt Ryan Phillipe deserved you. (did you call him Matthew? That’s his real name, you know. Perhaps you didn’t know that, Laura!) And I’ve never completely trusted Jake Gyllenhaal. I think the man you’ll be married to this Sat. is perfect for you! The reason being—Jim Toth is involved in the movie business, but he doesn’t do what you do! I don’t think your egos will clash. So, I predict this marriage will work.

I have 2 favorites of your movies. First, Elle Woods in the “Legally Blonde” movies. I love Elle! She’s the ditzy sorority girl who ends up showing she really does have brains when she gets into Harvard Law School. Loves your clothes, your hair, your dog’s outfits, and your later-in-the-movie boyfriend played by Luke Wilson…very easy on the eyes!

And my second favorite would be your role as Jennifer in “Pleasantville.” Loved, loved that movie! You played opposite some great actors! My favorite being Paul Walker...ooh la la!

One of the best things you’ve shared was this: (I think it’s something all actors should know before they get to Hollywood!) "The battles that we face in this business aren't financial, they are moral. And I certainly think that the longer you can keep your values, and your morality intact, and keep your head on your shoulders about what is important at the end of the day, you can get the most out of this business and really emerge with something wonderful."

You are something wonderful Laura Jeanne Reese Witherspoon…soon to be Mrs. Toth!
Happy 35th Birthday and Best Wishes on your upcoming nuptials!
Regards, Mrs Love