Friday, July 8, 2011

Happy Birthday Tobey Maguire!

Dear Tobey Maguire,
Your real name is Tobias? You just turned 36? You’re a father of 2?  You’re a recovered alcoholic? And most surprising of all, you’re 5’7”? These are just of few of the things that surprise me about you, Tobey.
First, you’re the only one I know named Tobias.  Furthermore, you’re the only one I know named Tobey! Oh wait, my friend’s cat is named Tobey!  I read you named your son Otis Tobias Maguire.  Hey, I have another friend whose dog’s name is Otis!  LOL!  Sorry, you’re probably not laughing. 
Next you’re 36, but hardly look a day over 17!  I know there’s talk of another Spiderman movie.  I realize you run the risk of being typecast, so you don’t want to be in it.  However, Tobey, what actor will they get to play a high school version of you?  Yes, Peter Parker in high school seems to be the premise of Spiderman 4!  A younger version of Tobey Maguire?  How can that be?
You’re married with 2 children! That’s wonderful, but also surprising. I was also surprised by the names of your children.  I’ve already mentioned little Otis Tobias, and his older sister is Ruby Sweetheart. Hey, my daughter has a poodle named Ruby! Ok Tobey, I’ll stop, I promise!
There’s talk of you in the news these days being involved in an illegal poker ring.  Say it ain’t so, Tobey!  I was shocked to read about it, but I was even more shocked to discover that you’re a recovered alcoholic.  You don’t even look legal to drink!  I was pleased, however, to find out you haven’t touched alcohol since 1995 and you overcame your problem through Alcoholics Anonymous. Bravo, Tobey!
As I said, most surprising of all is that you’re 5’7”?  I’m sorry to say it Tobey, but you look shorter! Many actors look taller on screen. You, however, look shorter. Do you remember when my daughter was placed sitting next to you in the “Broadway theatre” scene of Spiderman 3?  No?  Well, let me refresh your memory.  Things were set to shoot the scene, when suddenly director Sam Raimi stopped everything and placed another actress in her place. You see, my daughter looked too tall sitting next to you!  They couldn’t have a girl sitting next to the star look taller!  So my daughter was placed slightly behind you and to your left.  Remember? Well, check the DVD and you’ll see her.
I’m surprised you surprise me like you do, Tobey. You look like the “boy next door” but there’s more to you than meets the eye. You see, working on Spiderman 3, as you came on set one day, many actors didn’t even notice you. They said you were unassuming and rather “normal.”  Now, as a fan of Spiderman 3, I must say, that even as you transformed into the evil Spiderman and you had that “emo” hair, I wasn’t convinced. You were still the “boy next door.”
Now it’s not a BAD thing that you look like you do. You’ll probably always look like the “boy next door”…no matter how many candles they put on your cake from year to year.  So, Happy “belated” Birthday Tobias!
Regards, Mrs Love

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