Happy Birthday Keira Knightly!

Mar. 26, 2011

Dear Keira Knightly,

As I’m writing to you this evening, I’m watching “The Duchess” in honor of your birthday. I picked it up at Blockbuster tonight. What intrigued me about it? Well, the picture on the cover of you with really tall hair! Plus, I’m renting it for .99. You can’t beat that, Keira!  However, I believe you and I live on very different budgets. Forbes magazine reported that you earned $32 million in 2007. Not too shabby!

You are definitely one of my favorite actresses. Or should I spell it: favourite. That’s how you Brits spell it, right? I’m not surprised you became an actress, having been raised by theatrical parents. Your father is an actor and your mother is a playwright.

Your “breakout” role was “Bend it like Beckham,” although I must admit; I didn’t know who you were until I saw you in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” films.

I also enjoyed you in “Love Actually.” How beautiful you were as Juliet in the wedding scenes! But my favourite scene was when you answered the door to Mark who was there holding sheets of poster board, confessing his love for you with this message:

“To me, you are perfect - And my wasted heart will love you - Until you look like this” (and he holds up a picture of an unwrapped mummy!) Wonderful!

Now, since I’m on a roll here, Keira, let me tell you what I thought of “Pride and Prejudice.” You did a superb job as Miss Elizabeth Bennet. And you nailed that British accent. (joking!) However I must tell you, I did NOT like your hair and makeup. The only time your hair and makeup people got it right was in the “Fog” scene. Absolutely beautiful! Mr. Darcy was beautiful too!  And another thing, Keira, your dresses made you look so flat-chested. My suggestion? Just put a couple of gym socks in there, girl!

This brings me to my next comment. You really ought to consider putting on some weight, Keira. As one friend said to me: Curves are sexy—not bones! Think about it, dear. (too bad, these days, my curves are in all the wrong places!)

Now in Hollywood, actors come and go all the time. But I don’t think you’re just a “flash in the pan.” I believe you’ll be on the big screen for many years to come and we’ll enjoy watching you! My sources tell me it’s been confirmed you are slated to play the coveted role of Miss Eliza Doolittle in the 2012 remake of “My Fair Lady.” Can’t wait to see it! Keira, you’ve been nominated for an Oscar once before, but my prediction is that we’ll be seeing you walk up to that podium on an Oscar night very soon, giving your acceptance speech. Get it ready Keira! Listen to Mrs Love, she knows!

Happy 26^th Birthday!

Regards, Mrs Love